k0kEi - bAg 0f CoNtRaDiCTiOns

*[[___ welcomee `-//*

i love you
i hate you
i envy you
i despise you
i need you
i want you
i poisoned you
i corrupted you
i created you
i destroyed you
i cherished you
i hurt you
i healed you
i persuaded you
i let you
i am you.

`` its my lifee. [#] `-

~7 July 2005~

Wow, it's been a month since my last update. Just back from work. My work's getting better but my love life is in a mess! I dunno why but things seem to have come to a standstill. And Kyo has been pretty upset with me. And the worse thing is that I dun even know what's wrong! How am I suppose to put back some sparks into the relationship? I really need help. In tha last 2 weeks, we had so many fights that I really lost count. Kyo has became a little aggressive & violent too. He slapped me the other day. I dunno why I'm still with him cos if it was the old me, I would have fled long ago. I guess I'm just too exhausted to do anything. I just wanna work on my job now. I really dun have the energy to work on other stuff. But I really wanna bring the relationship to another level.

My dear friends, if you have any ideas to help, please let me know!!! I'm desperate...

[x] i lovee myself
11.58pm

~7 June 2005~

3rd week of work. It's back to training again. Good. I've just finished the orientation and will be embarking on Shang Care tomorrow onwards.

[x] i lovee myself
9.35pm

~31 May 2005~

After 7 days of work, let me present my work report. Though I was involved in training for about 3-4 days, I really find that I'm so not suited for the corporate world! I hate my colleagues in my department. I'm not sure whether it's really because I'm such an anti-social creature or I'm just a racist. My dept is full of Malays. Hey, I'm not saying that Malays are bad, but those in my dept are ridiculous. Are they just plain indiots or what? I just can't talk to them & every word that comes out from their mouth is either Malay or sarcastic comments in English. When the fuck did any Chinese offend them? They just treat the place like a Malay village. Fuck! The only other Chinese girl there is a part-timer & from what I gathered, she hates them too.

I'm really not a racist. I can get along very well the Malays in my training class & I actually love them, so the problem probably does not lie with me right? Today's probably my best day @ work so far. But good things never end, the training's gonna end tomorrow and I'm gonna start work on Friday. Sigh, I've gotta go back to my sucky dept & face that lot of bitches!

Cheng Theng actually told me not to endure, but I really wanna give myself some time to try to adapt. Afterall, this is the job that I really thought I'll like. I'll set the limit to 1 month. Wish me luck~

[x] i lovee myself
11.47pm

~24 May 2005~

My 1st day of work. One day after Vesak Day. Let me bring you to work.

Everyday I'll stop at this bus-stop. See 190? It's from Lot 1.

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This is the long & steep route I've gotta take.

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And along the way, I'll pass by this prestigious school - Raffles Girls' School

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Phew, finally. I'm at the Valley Wing of the hotel.

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The old & unsightly Staff Entrance

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In the locker room...

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And this is my locker,

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I guess it's time for the photo of me in my uniform. Unfortunately, I dun have that. I'll try to get one the next time. Be patient~

[x] i lovee myself
8.09pm

~20 May 2005~

Ladies & Gentlemen, boys & girls! I've finally got a job! The next best alternative to air stewardess. A Guest Relations Officer with Shangri-La! Finally, a job in the hospitality line. I'm basically attached to an executive club and I'll have to attend to the guests. It's ao surreal. I just went for the interview & whoosh, I got it. The executive manager of rooms who interviewed me didn't even say that I was hired but just brought me to the HR and told me to wait. I was then told to get a medical checkup. I didn't even have the time to ask about the number of hours and if there's OT.

I then met this girl called Jenny who was there for checkup too. She's gonna work at Rasa Sa Sentosa. Everything's happening so fast that I dun even have time to react. Then I got the appointment letter and was asked to go & collect my uniform. But the uniform department was short-handed, so they wanted me to come back the following day to take measurements. And I may even have to make another trip down if the uniform needs to be altered.

I'm gonna start work on Tuesday, right after Vesak Day. Wow, I still dun seem to be able to come to terms with the fact that I'm selected and hired! I've read the contract though, because I'm considered an executive, I'm not entitled to have OT pay! Damn! So much for an executive who dun earn executives' pay. Kyo says the title is there for this very reason, so that they dun have to pay you for extra hours and you're obliged to do more than usual. Ha, but I'm still pretty excited. I'm on shift basis, so I'm gonna enjoy my last free weekend!!!

[x] i lovee myself
10.30pm

~7 May 2005~

It's been a great night out! We ate @ Sakae (amazing because I thought of either eating there or @ Mos) and ended the night with some frenzy neoprint/photo taking. This machine @ Heeren's is soo cool tha tyou can actually lighten yourself! Instant photoshop without the hassle! I definitely wanna go there again. Well if I can't be fair in reality, at least I'm fair in prints!
Anyway the night ended really early cos Meimin wanted to go home early. I'm kinda sad that she's going & of course I'm so worried that she'll never be back. But I really admire her for her courage & guts to actually go to a foreign land all by herself! I'll never, ever do such a thing. I'm such a wimp! There was this one time when I was so vexed that I thought I'll go to the beach alone & like all the TV characters, alas, I'd be able to seek solace in the waters and feel instantly refreshed or in the best of moods. I almost died after half an hour there. It's sooo boring! I guess I'm not what you call a nature lover? Nonetheless, I hope this getaway would prove to be beneficial to Meimin & she'll emerge a more confident & happy person!
Gal, come back soon! I really love you! Will miss you lots! Remember to take good care of yourself! Dun come back looking even skinner!!!

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For the rest of the crazy photos we took, check out this link.

[x] i lovee myself
2.42am

``like miee for miee -- // * -nobody's perfectt-

~6 May 2005~

Hmm went for another interview. But guess which company I went to? Prudential? Sigh, the job seems appealing but I really dunno if I should just jump at the chance. But I'm such lousy salesperson but the guy said that I'm going in as a management trainee, so within 2 years, I'll be a manager who doesn't have to deal with sales again. How??
Meeting Meimin, Alicia & Adrian later. Meimin is going to Europe soon, so it's like a farewell thingy for her. I really hope she'll be able to seek solace in a foreign land. Girl, dun ever give up! You know that there are still a lot of people who love you, eg. ME!!!

[x] i lovee myself
3.31pm

``like miee for miee -- // * -nobody's perfectt-

~4 May 2005~

I'm finally resigned to fate. I'm sending out my resume now! I need to get a job real soon. I decided that I wanna get Kyo a super nice birthday prezzie and this requires $$$. So anyone out there with a job that's not too bad-paying, please inform me. I wanna a job!

You Are 35% Normal (Occasionally Normal)

You sure do march to your own beat... But you're so weird, people wonder if it's a beat at all You think on a totally different wavelength And it's often a chore to get people to understand you

How Normal Are You?

I can't believe this. I'm actually only occasionally normal. Ah, that explains why I dun make sense to people and vice versa.

[x] i lovee myself
2.00pm

``like miee for miee -- // * -nobody's perfectt-

~3 May 2005~

You Are 13 Years Old

13 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Ha, just as I had imagine. I'm still stuck in adolescence. I really need to find myself!!! ArGh!

[x] i lovee myself
12.18pm

``like miee for miee -- // * -nobody's perfectt-

~27 April 2005~

Yeah, a new skin. This probably depicts me very well cos I really hate myself @ times. But at other times, I can be narcissitic. I guess it's always a love & hate relationship. But does this hate element often come from society? The unspoken rules & doctrines often result in inferiority especially since it's a often a carrot & stick situation.

On a lighter note, I'm gonna go see Adrian in that MisterSingapore contest later @ Rouge. For those who has absolutely no idea who Adrian is, I'm gonna introduce him. He's a guy whom I met during the Orientation week in my uni days. I still remembered the time when I first set my eyes on him. I'm mortified! I wondered why I'm seeing a beng in NUS? He had golden/blonde/yellow hair then. But he turned out to be the one of my bestest friends in varsity. He's always strikes me as someone who's always out for some kind of adventure. Like the time he audition for 才华 and now running as a beauty king. That's probably the reason he did Theatre Studies in NUS. He also strikes me as a really sweet uncle who takes care of his little niece. Well his sister, who happens to share the same name as me, is a divorcee with a 4-year-old gal named Hazel. Hence he has to somewhat be a fatherly figure to little Hazel. I always think that it's not easy to deal with parenting @ such a young age. But I guess life's just so unpredictable.

Well, there's still so much things that I can ramble on but I shall stop here lest it gets boring. Anyway, good luck dear! Put on your trunks & strut your stuff man. I hope that the contestants are not required to proclaim their desire for WORLD PEACE!

[x] i lovee myself
7.50am

``like miee for miee -- // * -nobody's perfectt-